CRUSH YOUR GOALS: Dr. Jan on Realistic Resolutions That Stick

Guest: Doctor Jan Ferris— clinical psychologist and Mind Cake's first ever returning guest. First appeared in an earlier episode on ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). This episode was originally planned as a 10 minute chat and ran to nearly 40.

Recorded: Burns Night (25 January). Vegetarian haggis was had. It was, controversially, better.

Note: Izzy did the intro. One take. She's six.

Topics covered:

The statistics

• Approximately 10% of people fully achieve their New Year's resolutions
• Another 10-15% partially achieve them
• The vast majority — 75% — do not achieve them
• Lee and Paul are firmly in the majority. Paul averaged 8,100 steps a day. Lee did 10,000 steps once

Why resolutions fail — the context problem

• Most resolutions are made between Christmas and New Year, in the worst possible psychological state: self-critical, post-indulgent, cosy on the sofa
• That context — half a tin of Quality Streets down, in your loungewear — is the perfect breeding ground for two things: unrealistic goal setting and harsh self-criticism
• The harshness of the lens through which we view ourselves when making resolutions directly impacts whether those goals are achievable
• We give New Year's resolutions enormous weight because of the date — but the same thing happens every Monday. "The diet starts Monday" is a cultural pattern

Why self-criticism doesn't work

• Making goals through a harsh, self-critical lens makes them almost impossible to achieve
• When we fail, the internal critic perpetuates a vicious cycle — which itself makes further failure more likely
• What we don't need are more sticks to beat ourselves with
• What works better: a compassionate, values-based lens

The values-based approach (ACT framework)

• Instead of asking "what do I need to fix about myself?" ask "what matters most to me?"
• Goals aligned with genuine values are more likely to be achieved and more likely to be sustainable
• Common resolutions (weight, gym, diet) are almost always made from the harshest version of the self-critical mind — not from values
• Values-based alternatives Lee immediately responds to: "come up with two new storylines this year" — his shoulders literally went back
• Dr Jan's focus for the year: connection — with the people who matter most. No specific targets, no weekly schedule, just prioritising it in the diary

Understanding why you do what you do

• Before removing a behaviour, understand its function
• The coffee example: four cups of coffee a day makes perfect sense if you're running a 16-hour day with multiple competing demands. Just cutting it out without addressing that context is almost impossible
• Old patterns re-emerge because the need they served hasn't been met in another way
• When we re-engage with old patterns, we experience them through a lens of failure rather than compassionate understanding — which makes everything worse

Threat-based drive vs value-based drive

• Lee's triathlon training: he only signed up for events out of fear of looking stupid at the start line — classic threat-based drive
• That produces short-term results but doesn't lead to sustainable change
• It also means bouncing away from difficult emotions rather than sitting with them — short-term relief, long-term perpetuation
• The alternative: moving towards something that genuinely matters, rather than away from something you fear

Lee's resolution confession

• 2023 resolution: lose 23lbs, run a 10K PB
• Outcome: ended the year at over 17 stone (put on half a stone), never ran a 10K
• 2024 resolution: 10,000 steps a day in January
• Outcome: achieved it once
• Facebook memories showing him running 50 miles for Maggie's three years earlier, shortly after two major operations and radioactive iodine treatment, did not help the internal critic

Gemma's wisdom

• Post-diagnosis, Lee was trying to run 50 miles in January for Maggie's while physically unwell
• Gemma: "Lee, you've just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I don't think anyone is going to ask for their tenner back."
• Lee still went out and ran. But the principle stands.

The menu system

• Lee's approach from a previous episode: a menu of good habits (10,000 steps, 2 litres of water, cold shower, meditation, 8 hours sleep, no alcohol, no snacking)
• Aim for any two from the menu each day — whatever feels achievable that day
• Takes the pressure off perfection and builds the habit of choosing towards moves

Dr Jan's practical recommendation

• Russ Harris's Values Checklist — a free exercise to help identify what matters most to you. Link in the linktree
• Rather than resolutions, think about your focus word for the year: connection, adventure, creativity
• Then commit to specific actions that move you towards that value

Post-episode:

• Paul feels better about his 8,100 steps — shoulders back
• Lee immediately starts thinking about storylines and script ideas
• Both mums listen to the podcast. Hello to both mums

Also this episode:

• The green triangle Quality Street: Dr Jan's favourite. Nutty, softer chocolate
• The pink strawberry Quality Street: Lee's favourite. Nobody else in the office wanted them, which was convenient
• The round toffees: nobody's favourite. They break your teeth
• Roses coffee soft centres: discontinued. Dr Jan is still not over it
• The controversial dietary incident: referenced but not named. It was horrible. They lost a bit of weight, didn't look healthy, felt terrible, and will not be doing it again
• Barry Bethel: mentioned. Context unclear. Massive trousers involved
• Arthur Bostrom (Officer Crabtree from 'Allo 'Allo): Lee's stated mission to get him on the podcast in 2024. Still pending at time of recording
• Aaron's new game: Mr Men Guess Who. He's four. She's well into it

Referenced:

• ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) — Dr Jan's previous episode, referenced throughout
• Russ Harris's Values Checklist — free online resource for identifying personal values
• Maggie's Cancer Centres — Lee ran 50 miles for them in January post-diagnosis
• Soulful Sundays (Portobello Beach) — mentioned from previous episode, Lee still planning to participate