ARTHUR SMITH: Comedy, Chaos & The Naked Anthem

Guest: Arthur Smith — comedian, writer, broadcaster, Edinburgh Fringe institution. Best known as the backwards bar manager in Red Dwarf, a regular on Grumpy Old Men, and as host of the late-night Royal Mile tours. Real name: Brian Smith. Tried to join Equity as "Acting Wanker." They said no. Arthur was his middle name.

Current show at time of recording: OOF — Arthur and his old double act partner Phil Nice reunite on a bench in a park, not remembering each other, then remembering, then reminiscing, then fighting, then making up. Part Waiting for Godot, part Morecambe and Wise. Daily at 2:30pm, Pleasance Courtyard. Late night Royal Mile tour: 1am, top of the Royal Mile.

Topics covered:

Sobriety — the pancreatitis story

• 2001: acute necrotising pancreatitis. Hospital. Intensive care. More likely to die than live at one point
• Left hospital through the unfortunately named Patients Discharge Lounge
• Two realisations: he needed to stop drinking, and he really likes morphine
• Hasn't been drunk in 25 years. Can't remember what a hangover feels like
• Still allows himself the occasional glass — but sober in the way that matters
• Sobriety made him a better comedian: the Comedy Store midnight show was full of drunk people, and he was always having to be at least one pint less pissed than the average audience member

Comedy and mental health

• Humour and mental health go together — comedy is one way of coping with sadness and depression
• Making a room full of people laugh is genuinely good for your mental health — the feeling when you come off stage having had an audience with you is extraordinary
• Life is absurd. The realisation that life is absurd should not be an end but a beginning
• Victor Borge: "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people"
• Most comedians start because making people laugh is a way of making yourself comprehensible or popular — it's your way through if you have other problems
• The increasing trend of comedians making shows about their mental health — not making light of it, but approaching it with humour as a way of processing it
• The tears of a clown: it's a cliche but it's there for a reason

Mortality

• Arthur's brother Dr Richard Smith — former editor of the British Medical Journal, very interested in the subject of death and how we don't address it enough
• The Together Forever club — Arthur interviewed people who genuinely believed they were immortal for Radio 4, 30 years ago. Their leader had already gone bald
• Julian Barnes: A History of the World in 10½ Chapters — the chapter about materialist heaven where eventually everyone, even the immortals, chooses to die because existence without stakes becomes meaningless. Hole in one on every golf course. What's the point?
• Jane Godall has stage 4 cancer — Arthur suggests she'd be worth Lee getting in touch with
• Lee's experience: facing your own mortality and then being expected to shut the box and go back to work on Monday as if none of it happened

Edinburgh stories

• First time at the Fringe: 1977, with a university review group of five doing sketches and songs
• The late night Royal Mile tour: invented by Arthur, runs at 1am, at its peak had 200 people following him through Edinburgh at midnight getting the police called
• Arrested: breach of the peace and possession of a megaphone. £100 fine. They said they'd send a letter but never did. Technically still a wanted man in Edinburgh
• Second arrest: looked up, asked if his father was a police officer. He was. Released immediately
• The Moldovan naked anthem: lost a bet with Tony Hawks (comedian, Stuart Rap, keen tennis player). Tony played every Moldovan international footballer at tennis and beat them all. Arthur had to strip naked outside Boots in Balham on a cold March evening and sing the Moldovan national anthem. About 50 spectators. Not arrested. Cold March evening

Arthur on names

• Real name: Brian Smith. Had to join Equity. Already a Brian Smith
• First suggested name: Acting Wanker. Equity said no. Retrospectively relieved
• Arthur was his middle name. Went with that
• Other comedians called Arthur: Arthur Askey. Arthur Mallard (probably before Lee's time). Arthur Schopenhauer (not a comedian). Arthur Miller (had lunch with him once in New England, terrible hangover, couldn't think of a thing to say)
• Michael Keaton's real name is Michael Douglas — couldn't use it because of the other Michael Douglas

The interview circumstances

• Arthur forgot they were supposed to be talking. Called Lee in a panic from a bus after his gig. Did the interview from his hotel room. Phone was on 12% battery

Post-episode chat:

• Lee reveals he nearly did a stand-up routine about his cancer — wrote it, never performed it. "That's probably why I'm doing this podcast instead"
• Paul reveals he wrote a one-man show called The Black Dog and the Drama Teacher — autobiographical, about a drama teacher signed off with depression, written in a week, came out as a stream of consciousness, never performed. "You could have been Baby Reindeer"
• Elmo Pickles backstory: used to teach PE in an all-girls school. Paul knows a lot about Elmo's backstory that he won't share

Referenced:

• A History of the World in 10½ Chapters — Julian Barnes. Highly recommended. Get the audiobook
• Dr Richard Smith — former editor of the British Medical Journal, Arthur's brother, interested in death and why we don't address it
• Together Forever club — Radio 4 interview, immortality believers, all probably dead now
• Jane Godall — stage 4 cancer, keeps going brilliantly
• Tony Hawks — comedian, The Stutter Rap, very good at tennis
• Miriam Margolies — doing a Dickens show at the Fringe. Arthur and Lee both want to go. Lee wants to pitch his screenplay to her
• Ian Rankin — met him at Pitlochry book festival, disappointingly nice
• Six Moments I Escaped Death — Arthur's planned podcast/project, interviewing people about near-death experiences. Lee offered himself as a guest

Note: Recorded during the Edinburgh Fringe. Paul had to miss it — he was rehearsing This Is Our Story, a 150-year history of Heart of Midlothian Football Club, performed at Tynecastle Stadium.