Ghosts, Gongs & Grit: A Paranormal Slice of Mind Cake (Bonus Episode)

I'm fine. And I was just going to say that, as much as Carrie likes cake, I would say that 90% of the people at the Birmingham NEC also liked cake. Because we were wandering around, me and Carrie and Hannah and Swales the Green witch, albeit she didn't have a Mind Cake T shirt on. The amount of people that came up to us and went, oh, cake. Because they didn't focus on the mind bit, they just focused on a picture of a cake. They just wanted cake and the word cake and ah, then I think they.

Thought it was just giving out cake.

I think. Yeah.

That's how you reel them in though, right? You dangle the cake. Carrot and then.

Cake.

why didn't I think of that? It's so obvious, right?

So easy.

Right.

Paul has a funnel on his head and it makes him think of you

Okay, well, since we're talking about the nec, why don't you tell us all about your wonderful experience?

Because I think my ADHD brain will come on to that has gone back step that yesterday I was watching, we went to the cinema to see the Wicked film.

Oh yes. Wicked Part two.

Yeah. And there was a man in it with a funnel on his head and it made me think of you, Paul.

Oh, that's nice.

I mean, it made me think of you in a way that. How on earth did you get that gig? Because if you're going to pick an actor, right, that's got to fit all his hair in a funnel. You would be. I'd be like, no, you turn up before you open your mouth next because.

Yeah.

Does it go in a funnel shape, Paul, when you finish it?

Yeah, but I'm just going to moose it up into like a little peak. Yeah. And it will just fit the funnel. Exactly.

I mean, I know I say this every week, but every week I can't imagine it's going to look any more eraserhead. And then he comes back and it looks even more eraserhead.

But every week my hair grows, has a week of extra growth in it. I'm actually going to try and get it cut before the panto starts. So it'll be much shorter.

Your funnel won't fit then.

You don't want a faulty funnel.

My funnel falling off my head.

Paul: Mind, Body and Spirit Festival wasn't what I expected

Anyway, so back to the nec.

Oh, yes, right. We're going back there, are we?

How. How, was it, Carrie? How did you find it?

Well, I think me and you went to totally different places. Didn't we, really? I was in the. Oh my God. Isn't this amazing? Look at all the cool stuff and cool things and weird, amazing people. And then I think you were like in a different place. Like, what the actual hell I think you were. Well, you can tell everyone what place you thought you were at. But I had a great time.

Don't. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time. Right. I do not want to diss the Mind, Body and Spirit Festival. It was very good. Was it? What? What? Was it what I expected? No, I don't know what I expected, but that wasn't it. And was there a lot of. Whether. Did I meet a lot of nice people, including Nadine? Yes, I did. Did I have a ball meeting up with you and Hannah and Swales? Yes, I did. Was there also a lot of woo woo going on? Yes, there was. And I'm here.

I'm here for the woo woo.

Well, you should have been there for the woo woo, Paul, because there was a lot of woo woo.

Love so much woo woo.

I'm gutted. I'm gutted to have missed it.

Yeah, I think I'd like to make a. Write a script about it.

Well, there's plenty of material there.

Oh, yes.

Carrie did some chanting and a yurt at the festival

Can you give our wonderful listeners a little. Can you dip your toe into the woo woo, let us know what kind of woo woo stuff was there for my benefit as well?

What piqued your interest, Carrie? Because you went in a. You were taunting. Taunting. You were chanting. Chanting in a yurt.

Yes, I did some chanting and a yurt. That was great. That was. We had like a hymn sheet. We ordered lots of. I should really remember what. What. Who actually was running chanting tent. But I can't. I was just so excited about being there. And yeah, me and Hannah did some amazing chanting all together. They played some bongos and it was. It was so much fun. I really wanted to get a singing bowl. There was lots of crystals. There was lots of people doing energy healing, which we never did did. We wouldn't do any of those.

No, I didn't do any of that. Funnily enough.

No.

Go get your aura read. You could.

Yeah.

what else was that? Oh my gosh, there's just so much.

Did you have your auras read while you were there? Did you have an aura reading?

Do you think I had my aura read, Paul?

Well, no, I don't, I don't, but I just wondered if. Because you are sometimes, you know, convinced by a little flight of fancy to, do something a little bit.

Curiosity does sometimes get the better of me.

you've had Reiki and stuff in the past.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When. When one thing I did like, which did look very woo woo, but I could see it kind of did pique my interest. But I didn't do it was there was a person. So you could stand in like a big singing bowl and then they, like, I think I said at the time, bonged your rim.

Yeah. And that was your wording.

Yeah, you could get your rim bonged and. And then the, the vibration. You were stood in this big bowl in your, in your stocking feet and rim bond. And then all the vibrations presumably went up through your body and then. But at the same time they were like playing like. I don't know what they Shanty sticks or whatever they're called, you know, with the.

All sorts of stuff.

Yeah. Like up over your head as you're stood in this vibrating ball.

It was like an intense sound bath.

Just for one person, however, I would say. So I'm desperately looking through my phone to find the voice messages that I played, which, which will give you it just a very short snippet of what I thought, what I took away from the festival. There was. The whole thing was a cacophony of noise, I think, and I think that's where I struggled.

Well, just, Just because it was mental.

So loud. yeah, there was lots of stuff going on all at the same time.

It's a big old space though, isn't it? So if it's filled up with lots of shit happening, then, yeah, it's going to be a bit overwhelming.

We were trying to do a meditation at one point. Sit. Now my memory so bad. Was it like a rebirthing meditation we were doing? And then it must be just someone across the road were doing yoga but with some sort. It sounded like they were being sick at the same time. And it's like. Well, it sounded like my dog was being sick. So then I was getting like ptsd. Like, let the dog out. Let the dog out through this meditation. It was. Yeah, it was quite erratic. That was.

Yeah, erotic erratic.

It Was not in any way erotic. No, no. It was sounding like a dog was, was bathing whilst we were doing this rebirthing. It was, it was quite the experience.

Carrie was overwhelmed at the Mind, Body and Spirit Festival

Paul.

is it. Would, you go back to the NEC for the next one? Carrie, were you sold on the whole concept of this wellness festival?

Well, when I first got in there, I was like a bit overwhelmed. I do get overwhelmed very easily by stuff. But it was a lot going on and everything was very, very expensive. There was only one stand that we. We called him the Cheap Man. Didn't we go to the Cheap Man?

He was, he was good though. He had lots of stuff.

Yeah. But it was the only stand that's actually reasonable in price. Everything was just, it was so commercialised. Like, this is everything that isn't Mind, Body and Soul.

This is my voice message to a friend, friend of the show, actually Tim, new friend of the show. Tim asked, me how I got on at the Mind, Body and Spirit Festival. Not the Mind, Body and Ferret Festival, that's next weekend. This was my response to him. The whole thing was just mental. I mean, my well being, I think suffered from being in a great aircraft hangar with. I mean, it's just sensory overload, especially with someone who's just been diagnosed with adhd. There was bongo drums in one corner, people chanting another corner, people wandering around dressed up as wizards. There's like just under blazing fluorescent lights. Me, it was just. I was exhausted. It was just too much. It's giving me a headache. three days. Three days, 12 hour round trip on the train. So that's, that's my review. I don't think they're going to use it on the poster next year. But I think that was, it was good and there was lots of, there was lots of good stuff going on, but like there was just too much all happening under fluorescent lights all at the same time. So like the main stage, I mean, I'm never going to get invited to speak there after this, but the main stage was like, you know, like the benches that you get at school, the little low benches. There was like four of those, right? So Paul McKenna. When I arrived on the Friday, there was. Paul McKenna was on the main stage with loads of people wanting to see him, but only four benches. I was literally stood, probably, I, don't know, 20 foot away. I could not hear what he was saying, even though he had a microphone. I walked off after 15 minutes. I'm like, I cannot. There's like. You say there's bongo drums going on there's somebody chanting in this corner. I'm like, paul, mate. I'm sorry, Paul McKenna. Not you, Paul. I can't. I can't. I just can't concentrate. And three days of that.

Yeah, so. So being there for three days actually negatively impacted your mental health, ironically.

I would. I would suggest it did, yes. However, following our last episode with Carrie, my patches from Nadine have arrived. So these are, like Nicorette patches, but all the good stuff in it. So this is sleep patches, valerian extract, passion flower extract, hops extract, and CBD isolate is in this patch and you stick it on for a slow release over 12 hours. There's various ones that help various different things. This is sleep, which I don't really need much help with because I am still napping for two hours in the afternoon. But that. I wouldn't say it's, So quality of sleep is not good.

But.

So, I'll be giving those a try and reporting back. So, yes, people like Nadine and there was many others that I. That I met there who were very nice people, but awesome. Yeah, it was the tip of the woo woo iceberg, in my humble opinion.

Okay. Also, just for listeners out there, if you don't know what Lee's talking about with Nadine and the patches, you need to go back and listen to the previous episode and then everything will make sense.

Yes.

So it'd be. Hit pause on this. This. Go back, listen, and then come back and you'll know what he's on about.

Sorry.

Yes.

That's why he's here. You see he keeps me in check, don't you?

For that's when I occasionally make an appearance on my podcast.

Sheldon reviews the worst travel lodges in Birmingham on tour

Well, this is the thing. Talking of. This is the other thing. I'm sure she won't mind me saying, but as much as you keep me in check on this podcast, we had to keep Hannah in check at the festival. So she did need, kind of. Carrie did say at one point, well, she doesn't need looked after all the time. She's a fully grown adult. I'm like, okay, just let her wander off then and see what happens. Yeah, it wasn't good. She ended up going in the. In the. What's it yet? She was the only person who didn't realise you had to take your shoes off. So she came out with a bloody ugg boots on. and. And then went away and got fleeced for 40 quids worth of something where she's like, oh, well, I just got chatting to this woman and what was.

All that about makeup? She doesn'. She doesn't even wear that much makeup.

No.

She couldn't say no. She said she's too nice.

Just needed wrangled.

She did. Yeah. Yeah, and you've got a horse, so you should have done the wrangling carry.

Yeah, I mean, I, I did, I did say she'd be fine, but then it turned out she wasn't.

You'll know for next year, guys.

I mean, Would I go again? Yes, but I'm not going for three days.

Two days is too long.

Go to Birmingham for the weekend. But just do that on the Saturday.

Go to the pub on the Friday and the Sunday maybe something like that.

Yeah.

Break it up. Break up the woo woo with alcohol.

It didn't help that the Travel Lodge I was staying at was the world's worst travel lodge.

Oh, which one was it? Because I just stayed at a horrendous Travel Lodge when I was in Birmingham on tour.

Sheldon.

No, it wasn't that one.

No. Okay, well, maybe we should do a, comparison of the, of the worst travel lodges in Birmingham.

Yeah, I mean, that's, that's what the listeners are here for.

That's what they're here for. It will affect your mental health in one of these travel lodges. I'm telling you, honestly, the, the walls were that thin.

how thin were they?

Very thin.

Okay.

I could tell so that people next door was Scottish. And I heard all about his hip replacement and the fact that Margaret next door was also going in for a hip replacement. I could tell exactly what they were watching on the television because I could hear all through the walls. And then he had it. He was coughing like mad. After, after he'd done it about 10 times in a row, I audibly said, oh, for sake. And he must have heard me because obviously I can hear him. And then he stopped. That was good. But, when I, when I turned the light off, it was like he was in the room coughing. It was, it was whatever sound acoustics they had it like amplified the sound rather than deadening it. It was, yeah, quite, quite, quite a weekend.

Carrie went on her first organised ghost hunt by herself

Well, speaking of being in the dark and feeling a presence that shouldn't be there.

Yeah.

Cousin Carrie, you have some news for us, don't you?

Oh my goodness me. I've had such a fun weekend. Yes. I went on my very first. Well, this is not my very first ghost hunt, but I went on my first organised by myself. Ghost hunt. Does that make sense?

Yes.

Let me start that again. Were you chief Buster no, I wasn't, Chief Buster. I just decided, like, instead of going with an organisation, that we'll just get some friends and we'll just go ghost hunting together.

Now, I am so intrigued to hear what happened on this a couple of weeks ago when Lee said, that you were doing this and I was like, I can't make it down because I'm rehearsing.

He's got a funnel on his head.

Yeah, got me old funnel. I couldn't get out of the funnel to get down. So I was number one devastated. I couldn't be part of that. But can you tell us where it was?

I was going to say not to fear because we had so much fun at this one. We're definitely doing more. Yes, yes. So, we were in Birmingham Small Heath, at the site of the Peaky Blinders Publishing. Well, next door to it, the Garrison is on Garrison Road, there's little cafe called the Gryphon Cafe and it's all Peaky Blinded themed. It's brilliant. what they've done with it. The pub is now not a pub, it's actually a kitchen shop, which is slightly disappointing. But they've had a lot of paranormal activity going on at this cafe. Now, I found this by accident when I was invited to do, my other job, which is a. I. I take mini beasts and I do my own sort of birthday parties for kids. So I was doing a bug party at, this little cafe and I was talking to the owner saying, oh, it's amazing what you've done in here. She's like, oh, yes, and it's really haunted. And I was like, oh, my gosh. I just spent the previous day at a parameet, so a paranormal meetup. So I was like, full ghost hunting mode. So I was like, oh, can we book the venue? She's like, yeah, definitely. So that's how we went about it. And, it did not disappoint.

Oh, my God. God. First of all, how cool is it that you went to a paranormal meet and then the next thing you do, someone tells you about the haunted place that you're in. I mean, that's divine timing, right?

That. That's the universe just working as it does now.

You said it didn't disappoint.

No.

Can I. Can I. Sorry, can I just jump in there for a second?

Are you here?

Yeah.

Oh, hey, we. Buddy.

Yeah, sorry, I was just shaking my head when you were saying that. It's the universe doing it. It really isn't. But anyway, we'll we'll come back to that. Am I right in saying, before you get on to, you know, erectoplasm or whatever it is you've. Yeah. Am I right in saying that? I don't know if it was at the nec, but you went to a convention where they sold like ghost busting kit. Was that the nec?

No, it wasn't at the nec. It's it was a parameter, a paranormal meet. It was somewhere near Leicester.

But you could buy loads of kit to help you do the stuff that you're doing.

Yeah, they do talks on how to use the kit and then all about. Oh, they do so many different talks about asylums and poltergeist activity and UFO stuff as well. It's, it's a really good, it's a really good convention to go to. Really enjoy it. But yeah, we bought loads of equipment.

This is like street like. I love this.

I love it.

What sort of equipment did you buy to take to your first paranormal thing

What sort of equipment did you buy then, to take to your, your first paranormal thing?

I've always had some of the, the dowsing rods. I'm just going to look at Lee's expression now because he's just be shaking his head like, oh my God. Mental. Which is exactly my husband's reaction as well, which is, you know, strange.

No, really.

My dowsing rods, I've always had them, the flashy cat balls. So you touch them and they flash and it settles and they only move like they only go off if you, if you touch them. So it's movement triggered. So I had some of those. But. Oh my gosh, we went to town. I bought a spirit box. I've bought headphones, which we do. It's all the Esmes method. SMEs. Method. Method. So you basically, you're listening to a spirit box which is churning out different frequencies and words come up every now and again. So you just, you just say the word. So you're blindfolded, you've got headphones on and you just listen to these words and kick out a word and just say it. Well, the rest of the people in the room will be asking questions but you can't see or hear what they're asking. And it's, it's, it's amazing sort of how it, how people ask questions and the right answers come.

So what, sorry, what sort of questions were they asking? Like who's going to win the 215 at Chepstow next Saturday? That sort of thing?

No, no one actually asked that one.

No.

hm. But anything useful we'll make sure we ask that next.

Yeah, yeah, do that. Do. Yeah, yeah.

They're not, they're not fortune tellers, Lee. Do you know what I mean?

Aren't they?

No, no. Oh.

Every time you went ghost hunting, it's the intrigue. It's not knowing

So can you, can you tell us some about some of your experiences? Like, did you pick anything up?

So, yeah, there was lots of activity picked up. nothing really blatant. Everyone goes, did you find a ghost? I'm like, no, there's the. If you went ghost hunting, you went. Every time you found a ghost, it's the intrigue. It's not knowing. It's that, is it, isn't it? But we had lots of equipment going off. We had experiences where we'd call out and then ask the ghost to do some tapping and then the tapping occurs. We also asked for whistling and we got whistles back. We had like this laser beam. If anything went in front, it would break the connection and you can see if anything's walking across. We had someone go through that. Yeah, just like little bits and bobs. But we kind of broke into little teams. my friend Brad has brought some trigger objects and, he had a spirit box going and it was talking about the trigger objects that were on the table, which is really interesting. I wouldn't say. Yeah, we definitely saw 100. We definitely saw a ghost. But there was a lot of strange things going on in that cafe.

So. Cool. I'll, definitely like to come to the next one whenever that is.

Yes. I'm gonna look and see what we can do.

Lee should come along because Mr. Sceptical Bollocks in the corner here.

Do you know what?

I'd love to see him get the willies put right up him.

Oh, I bet you would, you dirty bastard. Do you know what I was just thinking? I would, I would love to try and go with an open mind and, and go. And like you say, if there's things happening like laser beams being beams of light being broken and tapping happening, then, yeah, you've. You've gotta. You've got to give it a go to find out, haven't you? So.

That's so cool.

I think that's a verbal contract there.

That is a verbal contract. Not. Not like Paul's verbal contract that he is going to do, cold water therapy.

Not worth the paper it's written.

Worth the air that is breathed into. My word is my bond carry. And when you do it again, I will, I will come and see if.

It'S good to have a sceptic. I mean, we all went with open minds. Because I'm of course I'm leaning on the side of the ghost because I grew up in a haunted house. That's a whole different story. So I'm basically searching. Yeah. I not told you this.

No, I think I would have remembered.

We'll have, we'll have to have another episode.

Car's haunted House.

Yeah. Because we don't. I don't think we've got the time to delve that.

No, we haven't got time.

No.

But yeah, that's so having like I wouldn't. I want to find it again, I want to see it again and I want to experience what I experienced as a child, but always with like a. Is it, Isn't it kind of questioning head. You have to go with some scepticism.

And you would bring that in abundance.

I would, yeah. You don't need to bring anybody else, just bring me along. And yeah, more than happy to.

Poo everything for us. Yeah.

I can poo poo with the rest of them. With the best of them. Absolutely. Right.

Lee got his ADHD diagnosis back and he's struggling with it

What else we got to talk about?

you wanted to talk about some stuff, Lee?

Well, I was gonna. Yes. I was gonna, just m. Mention that in a surprise to nobody. I got my ADHD diagnosis back and I'm got adhd. I've actually got add. So not, not the H bit still counts as adhd. And I thought that this was going to answer a lot of questions and make me, more self aware and it has, but to the point where it has. I wouldn't say. It's just that there's, there's a lot of things going on at the moment and I just wanted to say that whilst I, you know, can turn it on for half an hour, an hour and seem to the naked eye to be perfectly well now, I have been struggling lately, what with, you know, I've. I'm still off with fatigue. I'm still having to take naps for two hours in the afternoon. I'm still absolutely, you know, knackered. People say you went to the Birmingham nec. Well, yeah, I did, but the idea was I got the train from Birmingham and it literally takes you on. You didn't do it. So I took the trains, I wouldn't have to drive. And you get off. Birmingham International is like a five minute walk from the NEC today. I'm trying to justify it already, but yeah, so I've had a little bit of illness. I think that that Birmingham thing did kind of knock me for six and I have had a lot of kind of disconnection and whatever and the ADHD thing has played a part in that, because rather than making these more self aware, it's actually heightened my awareness, M Awareness to such a degree that I'm. I'm now hyper aware of me doing all the things that I knew I did, but I'm now almost apologising for them. So I know when I'm, you know, when I lose attention or where my attention wavers or when I'm interrupting people's conversations or where I'm scrambling for self assurance or reassurance from others or all the, all the annoying habits that I've got, I'm now hyper aware that I'm doing them and almost feel apologetic for them. And the thing is, the report that they give you is 26 pages long and it's like reading 26 pages of all the. All your traits and all your things and I end up reading that and going, God, if you were reading this about somebody, this guy's a bit of a Dick. It's just 26 pages of all the things that are really annoying. And Albert is curious and creative, so I have all of that. I'm curious and creative, but there's 20. So it's made me question, you know, made me reflect on my life and decisions I've made and relationships I've had and, you know, things I've done. And it's. And it's. Yeah, it's really struggling to come to terms with it and I appreciate that I'm no different from the day after I got the report to the day before I got the report, but I just think with various other things that are going on at home and one thing, another, that, yeah, I've, you know, I've had feelings of, you know, I just think it's a very funny mess. Sorry, my brain's gone off a tangent again. I. There's a very funny message I got from Aaron while I was at the festival, which started out as. And I'll play it if I can find it for when I play the episode.

I'm really missing you, Daddy. I'm not really missing you. I'm quite missing you because you quite shout at me a lot. I'm not really missing you, I'm just missing you a wee bit, Daddy.

She's just not really missing me and I'm just in a malaise and I'm a bit of a dick and, you know, I'm. I'm like, need this emotional crotch because I'M crotch crutch. Because I'm feeling disconnected. I'm just. I mean, I have felt really, to the point where I've gone, you know what? I don't think it would matter. It would be easier for everyone if I just got in my car and drove away, because it wouldn't then have to. Then, you know, have to be that emotional support for me if I'm feeling, you know, under the weather or just, I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. There's just no motivation there whatsoever. And I don't know why, because I was. I, Although I had the fatigue, I felt that I was the best mentally, I was the best place I'd been for many, many years. And then I. I don't know. I don't know what happened and I just. I don't want to sort of. I don't want to dwell on it. I don't want to, I don't know why I'm dwelling on it now, but I don't want, you know, all I wanted to say was that there's been people that have said, what, you've got ADHD or what you've got, you suffer with your mental health? And I'm like, yeah. And they, and they just can't believe it because I think they, you know, they hear the podcast, they see me higher in the playground and I'm just one of those people who's quite bubbly and can chat to people. And so I just thought it was important that, you know, if we're supposed to be doing a mental health podcast, that don't necessarily take facades at face value. And that's kind of all I thought I needed to say.

After listening to you talk like that, it does make you realise that you are, not the only person who's suffering, who's having these feelings. And that's why having mind cake and listening to you saying these things normalises it more, because you are probably making a lot worse inside your own brain that it is actually seen from the outside. And we people on the outside don't notice as much because inside your brain it's just. It just gets worse and worse and worse. But having. Listening to someone or going, oh, yeah, that's exactly how I feel, because what you've just said that. Lee, I haven't told you this before, but there's. There's someone down stables where I've got my horses. he lost his wife a few years back. He's an elderly gentleman, but he really, really suffers with his mental health. And some days he says, I just can't get out of bed, I just don't want to move, I don't want to get out of bed. And then, you know, he's having counselling, everything. But there's so many people out there that are also going through this. So that's why mind cake is so important.

Well, thank you. I think that's the, that's the, the problem, isn't it, that you see all this on social media, that everybody else is doing this and doing that and living the perfect life and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it is isolating because you think, why am I the only person that, that feels like this? And then that almost compounds the issue because you feel more, more alone because everyone else seems to be coping just fine. Yeah. And I think that's why I wanted to say something because probably people think that about me and they see my social media posts and I'm, look at me, I'm gonna stick a patch on and I'm gonna have a lovely night's sleep and I'm doing mind cake and you know, and blah, blah, blah. And they think, oh, he's, he's doing all right in he. When actual fact I was, I'm, I've been struggling and that's the point.

And that's why we need to normalise this kind of thing. Because too often when people are struggling and it goes too far and they do something to hurt themselves or something like that.

The amount of people that go, I had no idea, you know, I didn't know they were struggling, I didn't know that anything was wrong because they do put up a facade and we need to normalise that. And the fact that you're being quite open and honest, which we should be, and I think that's the aim of the podcast, that's why we started it was to try and address this kind of shit. Not just to talk about ways that we can improve our mental health or things that we can do to, you know, ease the pain or, or, you know, try to be more mindful. It's actually, you know, talking openly about how we're feeling, checking in. That's what it's all about.

you're absolutely right. And I think that's the thing that, yeah, we can sit here and talk about drinking water and putting patches on and, you know, doing exercise and eating properly and doing all the things that, you know, cold water therapy, but some days it's just.

Bird flew into the window and Izzy was concerned about it

And I said, I think I Think I know what triggered it. Since I come back from holiday and then I was sat in the lounge and unexpectedly, both kids had gone to sleep and Gemma was out and I was sat downstairs on my own and I just had this moment. Well, I know this sounds kind of. I don't know, in my head, again, I'm judging. Other people think I'm for sake, but I had this moment where I was looking around the house and I was thinking of the kids, and it suddenly struck me, the whole five years thing, of how close it was, that none of this happened, that I wasn't, you know, you're a fag paper away from a completely different existence. Or there. I mean, I. And I know. Yeah, but you didn't die, did you? No, I know I didn't die and I was very lucky not to. But it just hit me in that moment that. And I think there was the whole fragility of life thing. Then that bird flew in. I don't know if you saw my post. The bird flow into the. Flew into the window. Well, yeah, I haven't even told you the whole story about that. So what actually happened is the bird fell into the wind, flew into the window. So I'm on chat gbt. What should I do about a bird that's heavily concussed? I'll stick a flower pot over it because you don't want the cats to get it, but you don't want to pick it up unless you have to. So I put a flower pot over it and again, I was that knackered. I went inside and I said, right, Gemma, there's a bird that's flown into the window. I've put a flower pot on it, but I'm that tired, I need to go for a nap. Right? So this was about, I don't know, half two, three o'. Clock. So Gemma's gone and picked the kids up. Brought them back about half past five, so I can hear them all coming back in. So I come down the stairs. Gemma goes, oh, I forgot about the bird. I'm like, oh, you. It's now like minus two outside. So I lift up the flower pot and of course, Izzy's really concerned about it. It's. It's hypothermic out there, so it's freezing cold. So I've then had to. So I've left the flower pot. He's still breathing but isn't moving. So I'm like this. He's a goner. So I had to scoop him up and take him Inside in like a tea towel and. And heat him up in the summer house, put the fire on in there and, and, and eventually, yeah, he ended up flying around. So even just. I mean, I know it was a bird. I know, but it was just, I think, having those thoughts and then this bird flying in the window and just seeing the fragility of life and how things could have been that much different and then worrying about mortality of. You know, Izzy's going through some at school a minute where she's just worried about death and worried about mortality and. And I think, you know, I feel guilty about. She's now picked up on probably what's happened over the last few years and, you know, somebody else in their class that their father's passed away unfortunately. And. And I think she realises that. So it's all that going on and amongst other stuff. And you think. Well, yeah, but I think it all stemmed from that night. I was sat there and it just suddenly, it just caught up on me and I wasn't expecting it and just tapped me on the shoulder and when you do realise that this very, very, very nearly the chances of you being here now are slim, to none. As I say, as Mr. Hilmi said, have you put anything on the lottery? Because you've got more chance of winning the lottery than you have of surviving anaplastic thyroid cancer. And it. And I think it all just kind of stemmed from there and birds and ADHD and Izzy and all that. Everything, everything just if there's.

If there's something positive to take away from all of it is. The bird flew away.

Yeah. And died.

A hypothermia garden.

You saved the bird someone else's window.

Yeah.

Stupid bird flew into the neighbor's window and then.

Yeah, but I think it was seen Izzy's reaction as well. Izzy was absolutely. I mean, she. You could see that. You know, she was really concerned about this bird. I didn't tell her that it was Mummy.

Why didn't you ring me? I would tell you what to do with birds.

Or just ask. Chat. Gbt.

Bloody Jack. GPT. You and that Rachel. It's not healthy.

Me and Rachel are best buds. You leave Rachel alone.

But how. How are you feeling now? League. Bearing in mind some time has passed and the dust has settled since. Yeah, I felt a bit diagnosis and the bird incident and all that.

How are you feeling right now? I think, um. I'm all right because I'm talking to you guys

How are you feeling right now?

I think, I'm all right because I'm talking to you guys, so I'm not thinking about it.

Yeah, yeah, it's when. When you're in your own space.

Huh?

Huh? When you're just on your own. M. That's when mindful techniques come in handy. So you're not forward thinking, your anxiety or backwards thinking, which is guilt. You just try and stay present and that's what eliminates all the. All like the anxiety and, also the stress and the. Yeah. And the worries.

It won't be the first time on this podcast that someone has said, you know, gotta try and live in the moment, focus on the now. M. Not the past, not the future. It's all about the present.

Yeah. And I'd say some mornings I am literally, because I. I cannot get my head off the pillow. I'm just that knackered. So I think there's also, you know, it's not. It's not just mental. I think there's. There's a physicality of it as well. And again, whilst I've, you know, been continuing to do podcasts, wherever I'm not doing anything serious I can think about. I've nearly finished my second cushion for sake. I mean, I'm doing stuff that's just easy on the brain. But in the morning, sometimes I'm counting down, right? You're not getting out of bed, so you need to. Just the thought of getting up, brushing my teeth, getting dressed and taking my tablets and having a wash seems like a monumental. It doesn't matter how many mornings you do and you go, oh, actually, that wasn't that difficult. The next morning you're there again, right? Count down from five and when you get to one, your feet go on the floor and you need to get up.

M. Yeah, but.

But it's small, small achievable tasks, isn't it? You've got to break it down. You can't think. I've got this and that and this and that. It's like, just don't even think to.

The point you've got to go clean your teeth, just put your feet on the floor. That's it. Yeah, great.

Yeah. You have to just keep breaking it down into smaller and smaller chunks and, you know, it just makes it more achievable. It.

It does.

Easier to say that, it's easy. Yeah.

No, and I think that's the thing. I think, you know, here I am, you know what? I'm like, paul, I've got a list full of to do. I'm a, you know, again, ADHD lists of must do this, must do that. And Gemma's always telling me off that, you know, you Unachievable goals where, well, I should easily be able to do those things in a day. And she's like, that's like two weeks work. Not that I'm up to it at the minute. And I think that, you know, there's that. That frustration as well, from going from average triathlete to struggling to get your head off the pillow. And it's. And so that's a frustrating in itself and just. Yeah. But, yeah, look, I think if anything. I know. I know it will pass. I've got Dr. Jan in my corner. I'll be seeing her on Wednesday. And.

And you have us.

I've got. You guys.

Always call us. That's what we're here for.

Thank you. Yeah, man, thank.

We got your back, my friend.

And I've. I've got my wellness festival. I, mean, I think it was the wellness festival that tipped me over the edge, to be honest.

The mental health trigger.

but no, thank you. No, I.

There's a woman that was sick, wasn't there, at the, Mental Health. Mental health. The, Mind, Body, Soul convention. Hannah found her throwing up in the toilet. I'm like, this is not. This is not healthy.

No, no, it's not a physical health, convention, to be fair.

No, I mean, it was. In all honesty, it was. It was too much. I mean, to be fair. You weren't there on the Sunday, were you, Carrie?

No. I don't know how you did three days. Because one day was enough.

There was a woman who was talking about ADHD diagnosis in later life

On the. On the Sunday, there was a woman who was. Who. Who was doing a talk, and if nothing else, that was a positive. Obviously, seeing you guys on the Saturday. I just meant in terms of talks and events and workshops. There was a woman who was talking about ADHD diagnosis in later life, mainly about women. But I thought, right, need to go and see her, because, again, there's only about four benches to sit on. so I got there nice and early so I could sit on a bench. And she's talking away, and she must have got about halfway through talk. and she, like, took a moment and she went. And you could see she was struggling because it's loud in there, in it. Because again, she's trying to do a talk to. There's quite a few people there, and there's chanting over here. There's sound gongs over there. There's. It was just. And she said. And she took a. She took a moment and a glass of water and she went. It's.

There's just.

It was just like, under these blazing Fluorescent lights in this big hall. It was just.

It's not the ideal setting. I think it needs. Needs to be in the summer. It needs to be somewhere like Foresty.

Yeah.

Some natural. I says, when I was walking back with them, swales. I says I feel more connected to the planet now I'm outside rather than I was in there.

Yeah. If you think about it, you've got three days under artificial lights with no windows and no, like, daylight, and then listening to. I mean, just sensory overload in there and wonder.